I was raised in a small country town, completely surrounded by miles and miles of fields. As a young girl living in a farm town I spent every possible second playin’ at the neighbor boys house or huntin’ and fishin’ with my dad. I guess you could say Im a country girl! Hats and boots included. In my opinion there ain’t a prettier sight than tractors plowin’ up the land as the sun comes up. I’m naturally drawn towards country boys, one in particular. He taught me a valuable lesson. No matter how much you love someone you can’t make them love you back.
December 2011, I was 17 at the time and had a small crush on this guy for quite a few years now. He being much older than I was unaware of this childhood crush. I was working at our local sub-shop BLIMPIE, located in the middle of little ol’ Green River. He would come in several times a day and pick up little snacks or drinks. I often caught myself staring at him, and I reckon the other girls I worked with noticed me stares as well because on December 28th one young lady working at the front counter confronted me about him. Gail is his age, she went to school with him and knows him very well due to the fact we live in a little hick town. She asked me what I thought about Carson John. (that’s his name) I replied by saying “Well, he is_” and before I could finish she was texting him telling him that I have a crush on him and that he should give me a chance. Carson John is 26, and one of the BIGGEST sweethearts I had ever met, or so I thought.
Weeks and months passed and I remained the happiest girl I had ever been, we had been texting and hanging out all the time. I thanked Gail everyday for letting my secret crush slip out. Although I never planned to, I was falling head of heals for this country boy. He made me so happy! Others were confused by this relationship that was developing, Carson John aint the best lookin’ guy around. He is kind of a bigger guy and I was often told that I was too good for him or that I was out of his league. I reckon that some people don’t understand that beauty aint always just skin deep. I found his true beauty beneath what everyone else could see.
March 16th, 2012, My parents were out of town. I texted my mom and asked if I could go get a soda with a friend, after 45 minutes of waiting for her response I justified my decision to go and called Carson John. He gladly agreed to going to get soda. We went to the gas station on main street where BLIMPIE is located. I went in and got two Pepsi’s, (our favorite soft drink)came back out to his truck. His smile made my whole day. As I stepped over the curb my boot clipped the cement and i almost face planted. I looked up to a chuckling Carson John in the drivers seat of his big farm truck. I got in, my face must have been the same shade of red as his truck! I had just embarrassed myself right in front of my Prince Charming. After we finally stopped our fit of laughter we continued our outing. He drove us down long street, then as we reached the designated city limits (where the road crosses the gravity ditch) he slowed down to an almost stop. He then lifted the center console and revealed another seat right next to him. my heart race as I switched to that seat and felt the warm presence of his arm around me. He smiled at me and kissed my head. I looked at the clock, 11:15 pm and already this was turning out to be the best date I had ever had. Our drive progressed as our date and the night continued. Carson John grinned with that cute crooked grin as he turned down an old back road. He parked the truck at one of the entrances to his one of many farms his family owns in town. He turned the truck off. He kissed me head then my cheek. I am positive that my smile was at least a mile wide. He turned to look at me, his eyes that irresistible dark brown. At that moment I knew I loved Carson John. He wrapped his arms around me and we drove back into town. I laid awake for the rest of that night thinking of how to approach the situation of falling in love.
I reckon it was not necessary for me to wonder about my situation because he already knew that “us” was indeed not what he wanted. He was not looking for a relationship with me, just a pal. So there I was, in love with mister Carson John, the man of my dreams and he didn’t give a lick about me. For months I tried and tried to convince him that “us” would be a good thing. I loved him and couldn’t bear the thought of not being with him. But try as I might I couldn’t make him feel the same way about me.
Growing up in a small town influenced the way I think, feel and view the world. Due to the activities i participated in as a young girl I have a natural attraction to the country and especially farm boys. I fell in love with Carson John. He taught me a lesson I will never forget. You can’t force someone to love you, no matter how much you love them.
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